dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
