Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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