why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
