is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
