Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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