Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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