He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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