i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
