So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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