oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He kissed a someone with a penis
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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