Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
