I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
