he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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