i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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