Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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