I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
