I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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