I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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