well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
