i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
