Duck Duck Cougar?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
