I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
