What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
