If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
