dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
