i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
