And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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