Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
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How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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