You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
