Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
