woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
