That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
