do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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