I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
