Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
