Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
