Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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