why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
