he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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