you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
not ubering you a puppy
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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