Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
