I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
