I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
