His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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