uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
