he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
