I just saw a hot homeless man
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
