i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
