And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
