he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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