Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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