Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
