coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
