I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
