I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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