the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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