apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
