Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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