Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
