I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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