It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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