two words: eviction party
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
