it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
