Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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