I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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