In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He better not be in your backpack
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
