Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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