My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
