there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
