so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
