One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
