I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
